Based On, FIGHT CLUB
I've been told that legally, I can film this and not get into too much poop, seeing that I am in hollywood north, Toronto. I thought the part of JACKTHEDONKEY.COM to be played by Judah Friedlander (or Wayne Brady in drag...as the first lady....SORRRRRY...I was watching the swearing in of Obama a couple months back....and could not stop seeing Wayne Brady taking in what we were all witnessing. SORRRRY). I also would love to have Meatloaf and Mr. 30 Seconds to Mars partake(Jared...I once saw you open for an opening band in Toronto...and I also saw you in Chapter Twenty something...1.1 cents for my thoughts? stick to acting)
The Donkey Show - Jackthedonkey.com's Club
“where your pics create clicks for charity” by David Katz Based on, FIGHT CLUB Current Revisions by David Katz, March 27, 2009
INT. MARK ZUCKERBERG'S FACEBOOK – IN A BASEMENT - NIGHT
An enormous CROWD of gals and guys, including David and Bob,
stands around JackTheDonkey.com, an average man, dressed in a donkey costume, who's in the center of the circle,
holding up his hands to quiet them...
VO
Our gift to the world
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
I look around... I look around and
see a lot of new faces.An enthusiastic RUMBLE from the crowd.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
Shut up! Which means a lot of you
have been following the first two
rules of jackthedonkey.com’s club.A glum silence falls. Guys and gals look at each other.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
I see in jackthedonkey.com’s club the strongest and
smartest men and women who have ever lived --
an entire generation pumping gas and
waiting tables; or they're slaves
with white collars.
(pause)
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM (cont)
TV has them chasing cars
and clothes, working jobs they hate
so they can buy poop they don't need.
We are the middle children of
history, with no purpose or place,
but eharmony and facebook.
We have not been fighting a great war,
or waiting for the great depression.
The great war is a spiritual war. The
great depression is our lives. We were
raised by television to believe that
we'd be millionaires and movie gods and rock
stars -- but we won't. And we're
learning that fact. And we're very,
very pissed-off.The crowd erupts into a DEAFENING CHORUS of agreement. David
looks at the blazing excitement in the eyes of the crowd.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
We are the quiet young men and women who listen
until it's time to decide.A skinny, YOUNG MAN stomps down the stairs, pushing into
the crowd, followed by a TALL, HEFTY THUG who holds a MEMORY STICK.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
Who are you?
SKINNY MAN (MARK ZUCKERBERG)
Who am I?! There's a sign on the
front that says "MARK ZUCKERBERG’S FACEBOOK" I'm
freaking MARK ZUCKERBG. Who the freak are you?!JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM.JACKTHEDONKEY.COM extends his hand for a shake, but Mark Zuckerberg SLAPS it away.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Who told you motherfreakers you could
use my place?
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
We have a deal worked out with Bill.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Bill? Bill's at home in Seattle with a
broken nail.Everyone glances guiltily at each other.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
He don't own this place, I do. How
much money's he getting for this?
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
There is no money.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Really?
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
It's free to all.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Ain't that something?
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
Yes, it is.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Look, stupid freak, I want everyone
outta here now!
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
You're welcome to join our club.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Did you hear what I just said?!
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
You and your friend.Mark Zuckerberg SLUGS JACKTHEDONKEY.COM in the stomach, doubles him over.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
You hear me now?JACKTHEDONKEY.COM gains his breath, determined. He looks up, turns his head, looking to David. Ed watches, wide-eyed. JACKTHEDONKEY.COM straightens, facing Mark Zuckerberg.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
No, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.Mark Zuckerberg PUNCHES JACKTHEDONKEY.COM in the face of the costume. Some of the guys move forward, but the Thug points his memory stick. Ed runs forward anyway -- Mark Zuckerberg PUNCHES him in the face of the costume again.More guys move forward, but JACKTHEDONKEY.COM waves them off, facing Mark Zuckerberg.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
We really need to use this place.Mark Zuckerberg proceeds to beat the poop out of JACKTHEDONKEY.COM, PUNCHING the face of the costume, the stomach of the costume. JACKTHEDONKEY.COM collapses to the floor. Mark Zuckerberg starts KICKING his “ass” (editorial…hiyooooo). JACKTHEDONKEY.COM drips costume stuffing from the costume’s mouth and face.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
That's it.... that's good. Get it
all out. You'll feel better.Mark Zuckerberg flushes red with exasperation, KICKS more at the front of the costume. Finally, sweating, bewildered, Mark Zuckerberg stops. He looks to the Thug, who is just as bewildered. Mark takes off his flip flops.Suddenly, JACKTHEDONKEY.COM SPRINGS UP, grabs onto Mark Zuckerberg...
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
Yes, I am poop and crazy, to you and
this whole freacking world...JACKTHEDONKEY.COM's costume’s stuffing spatters on Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg tries to shake JACKTHEDONKEY.COM off, but JACKTHEDONKEY.COM BITES Mark Zuckerberg's hoody. The Thug grabs JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
and pulls, the hoody tightening and strangling (editorial…sorry, it was in the script) Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg slaps at JACKTHEDONKEY.COM's costume’s face, but recoils from the stuffing. JACKTHEDONKEY.COM spits and shouts through clenched teeth...
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
You don't know where I've been.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM bear hugs Mark Zuckerberg, pulls him to the floor. JACKTHEDONKEY.COM rubs his costume’s face’s stuffing into Mark Zuckerberg's face. The Thug lifts JACKTHEDONKEY.COM. JACKTHEDONKEY.COM clings to Mark Zuckerberg's hoody, dragging Mark Zuckerberg as he is dragged...
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
We need this place. We need it.
Please let us keep it, please...Stuffing dribbles out of JACKTHEDONKEY.COM's costume’s mouth, spattering Mark Zuckerberg.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
What are you doing?!
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
Pleeeeeease!
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Okay! Okay, freack it! Use the
Social networking site! Get off me!
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
We need some towels, Mark Zuckerberg. We need
replacement light bulbs.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Alright, Chroiky! Freaking let me go!
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
Thank you. Thank you, sir...
MARK ZUCKERBERG
Let go of me!!JACKTHEDONKEY.COM lets go of Mark Zuckerberg's hoody. Mark Zuckerberg scrambles away. The Thug drops JACKTHEDONKEY.COM, trying to keep clear of the stuffing. Mark Zuckerberg gets to his feet, looks at JACKTHEDONKEY.COM, then at the rest of the guys. He and the Thug back away... slamming the door behind.Jackthedonkey.com’s club surrounds JACKTHEDONKEY.COM. They help him up, move him to a crate. JACKTHEDONKEY.COM sits slumped for a long moment, his breathing labored... then, he sits back, crossing his 4 legs and looking to the group, his demeanor businesslike.
JACKTHEDONKEY.COM
This week, each of you has a homework
assignment. You're going to go out
and start giving a poop about a total
stranger...
(pause, drooling stuffing from the costume)
You're going to start giving a poop... and
you're going to win.David beams in appreciation.
please upload your pics to help create clicks for charity at www.jackthedonkey.com. it’s the easiest way to give a poop regularly…by doing the things you already enjoy doing…for many a good cause at www.jackthedonkey.com).
Jackthedonkey.com's Challenge To You To Do The Things You Do, For Many Good Causes
www.jackthedonkey.com
stayintouch@jackthedonkey.com
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